When people try to wrap everything up in a pretty little bow but it’s okay to be in the middle of your story and keep working on things.
We’re all in a rush to get there. To that end point where we feel like a winner. From 16 year olds who want to skip forward 2 years to people who complete degrees that they’re not interested in but their parents pushed them in to.
You don’t want to be a geeky, pimply and awkward teen. You want that transformation into a beautiful adult swan where you glide down a staircase (early 90s romcom realness) and everyone’s jaws drop at how confident, amazing, beautiful, ADULT and together you are.
And then you realise that you can still get pimples as an adult.
And even if you did glide down that staircase, you could get a heel stuck and trip. But only a little trip, just enough that you get unsettled and worry that everyone saw you making a fuckwit of yourself but not enough to fall down and cause yourself serious damage.
I’m not at the end yet.
I don’t see a finish line where I tell myself “that’s it”.
I see some new mums who are like “I’m unhappy with my body at the moment” and the next week when I ask how they’re going it’s some falsely cheery “I’m fine! I’m over it now!” Body issues don’t disappear overnight.
Like you’ve gone through some massive changes. And it’s okay to be a little unhappy about it for a little while (although if you’re a dweller like me, or you’re a lot unhappy, that’s not the best thing). It’s okay not to have everything figured out.
I see some girls who push for an engagement and wedding with someone they don’t really like because they see that as the ultimate goal. They don’t realise that life carries on after that winning moment.
And I say this because I thought that once I started losing weight, that would be it. That once I had my tummy tuck to remove loose skin, that would be it. It’s not. I struggled with how I still had weight to lose and how I wasn’t happy with my scars. I originally thought that my tummy tuck was the finish line and I didn’t think about how I would go on afterwards. That I would need to learn how to do some modified exercises until my body healed.
My life is still moving and changing. I may have achieved some goals but I can’t slap a “happy ever after” on myself when I know there’s more that I want to achieve. I can’t say here’s a finished before and after when there’s still work (mental and physical) to be done.
As much as I want to run a marathon and hit the “here’s where I’m happy with my body” and “here’s where I learn to have positive thoughts about myself and I don’t crack self deprecating jokes anymore” and “here’s where I learn to pay taxes by myself” and “here’s where I’ll have kids” checkpoints before crossing the finish line, it’s not going to happen. They’re going to be things that I’m going to learn and continuously work on.
And I’m okay with that.
You are allowed to be a work in progress.